Bonding Styles

Four core bonding axes shape each bonding style. Rather than sorting people into rigid categories, these axes describe relational tendencies—the underlying dimensions along which people differ in how they connect, commit, and care. Your bonding style reflects a particular configuration across all four axes, not a single trait in isolation.

Think of the axes as coordinates on a relational map. Together, they offer a clearer picture of how you bond, what you need to feel secure and fulfilled, and where friction or misunderstanding may arise with partners whose coordinates differ from yours.

Bonding Scope

Anchored ↔ Expansive

This axis describes the natural breadth of your relational world—how many meaningful connections feel sustainable and nourishing.

● Anchored bonders tend to feel most secure with a smaller, stable core of relationships. They orient around one person or a tight-knit group, preferring to go deep rather than wide. Adding new connections often feels diluting rather than enriching.

● Expansive bonders tend to feel most alive within broader, interconnected networks. They have capacity for multiple meaningful relationships simultaneously and may feel restricted when their relational world becomes too narrow. For them, variety and range feel nourishing rather than fragmenting.

Bonding scope is about capacity, not commitment. Both approaches can love deeply—they simply differ in how many connections they can sustain without feeling scattered or constrained.

Openness Style

Focused ↔ Open

This axis describes how permeable your romantic boundaries are and how readily you welcome new connections into your world.

● Focused bonders tend to be selective and intentional about who gets close. They observe carefully, vet thoroughly, and need significant evidence of safety and compatibility before opening emotionally. Focused types often have clear boundaries between "inside the circle" and "outside the circle," protecting intimacy through discernment.

● Open bonders tend to be emotionally permeable and welcoming. They develop chemistry quickly, trust their instincts about alignment, and are comfortable with the natural fluidity of relationships as they unfold. Open types don't require extensive vetting—they believe relationships reveal themselves through experience and let connections define themselves organically.

Openness style is about pace, not depth. Both approaches can form profound connections—they simply differ in how quickly they let new people in and how much structure they need around the process of opening.

Priority Orientation

Prioritized ↔ Collective

This axis describes how you organize relational energy and decision-making.

• Prioritized bonders tend to organize their relationships hierarchically, with one person (or connection) holding a distinctly central place. This doesn’t mean other bonds are devalued—it means prioritization feels clarifying and sustainable.

• Collective bonders are more likely to distribute priority across multiple relationships or within broader networks of care. They may resist ranking connections or prefer group-oriented approaches to intimacy and decision-making.

Priority orientation is about structure, not love. Both approaches can be deeply committed—they simply organize care differently.

Self–Connection Balance

Interdependent ↔ Self-Sufficient

This axis describes how you balance autonomy and togetherness.

• Interdependent bonders tend to thrive on shared routines, merged lives, and mutual reliance. They may feel most secure when connection is frequent, visible, and integrated into daily life.

• Self-sufficient bonders tend to value independence, personal space, and clear boundaries around individual time and decision-making. They may feel most secure when autonomy is protected, even within committed bonds.

Self–connection balance is not about emotional availability—it’s about regulating proximity. Both styles can love deeply; they simply require different rhythms of closeness and distance.

How the Axes Work Together

Your bonding style is not one axis in isolation—it’s the interplay of all four. An Anchored, Focused, Prioritized, Interdependent bonder will have a very different relational experience than an Expansive, Open, Collective, Self-Sufficient bonder—even if both care equally about their connections.

Understanding these axes helps you:

• Recognize your own patterns and needs

• Identify where friction with partners may be structural rather than personal

• Communicate more precisely about what you need to feel secure and fulfilled

The axes are not prescriptive. They are descriptive tools for naming real differences that exist—and for building relationships that honor those differences rather than trying to erase them.